Course registration is a little different this semester
April 1, 2022
The fall semester is fast approaching. As course registration has just opened, students are noticing some changes in the course offerings at the University of Massachusetts. The Morning Wood has inside information on some of the new changes coming to UMass next semester.
To the astonishment of many, biology was removed from the list of undergraduate programs. Professors say the decision came from campus surveys, where peers often call biology students “unbearable.” Also, the major in geography has been removed from undergraduate programs for reasons that should be obvious.
During a routine architecture check on the UMass campus, architecture and other related majors were removed. University professors say the decision was based on “a strong desire to save future cities from the mess that is our campus.”
In an attempt to crack down on the STEM major superiority complex, Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy has approved the scrapping of half of the STEM courses that were to be offered next semester, forcing STEM majors to take humanities courses with their “less intelligent”.
Morning Wood reporters have reached out to several STEM students to comment on Chancellor Subbaswamy’s decision, but all have refused to speak to reporters who don’t understand the intricacies and complexities of their coursework.
Several Isenberg courses have also been scrapped due to extremely low demand and poor grades, such as business ethics and the entire core management major courses.
Not all of these changes were negative. Several courses and majors have been added and expanded. The turf management major, for example, doubled in size from one person to two. This news shocked many on campus and prompted a recent surge in Google searches for “what is turf management?”
In an effort to get back to its roots, UMass has added several classes, majors, and concentrations to help students connect with campus agriculture. Goose Husbandry was added as a concentration to the Animal Science major. Goose Farming has been added as a class and is expected to be very successful in its first semester.
The Whisper of the Goose was added as a general education course, required for undergraduate and graduate students of all majors. In addition to this class, for the first time in UMass history, geese are allowed to enroll in classes. This follows a university effort to integrate geese into the campus community.
Morning Wood reporters reached out to the head of the goose flock to see what they thought of the new changes, who commented “hoooooonnnkkkk” and chased reporters around the campus pond.
While nothing is set in stone, we can expect these and other changes to affect course enrollment for the upcoming semester. Students and geese are encouraged to take a little extra time to review the course catalog on SPIRE before their registration date.
Humana Teas is a Morning Wood correspondent and can be found graduating with honors (what, like that’s hard?).